Monday, November 17, 2008

it´s almost ¨el fin¨

it´s been a weird couple of weeks and i guess i have been neglecting the blog because i don´t know how to sort it all out in blog form. you know i only have about a month and a half left of COS date is the 30th of december. that date is good and it´s bad. it´s bad because i have a bunch of interviews and medical things to do right around the time of the COS, but because it´s christmas it´s gonna be like trying to spot a quetzal in the wild trying to get everyone in the office at the same time. but the 30th is a good date because it really is at the ¨end of the year.¨ come january 1st i´ll officially be done with peace corps and i´ll be entering a new phase of my life when january 1st comes along.

and you know, it can´t come soon enough. i´m ready to be done with peace corps. i´m not necessarily ready be done with el salvador, but i have to admit i´m ready to end the peace corps chapter of my life. i have been thinking this the past few months, but then a couple weeks ago, during the last week of school, the kids gave me a despidida (going away party) and it was sad. some of the kids were bawling their eyes out! the older kids wrote me letters and they were filled with so much love and friendship and was hard to read them all. i tried to tell them that while i was leaving the school, i wasn´t necessarily leaving their lives, because i married antonio and since he´s from here, i´d definitely be back to visit. and so i think that made the goodbye better for everyone. but still, it was odd to think that i wouldn´t be back next year. it´s definitely a bittersweet experience. i´ve seen this coming for some time, so it´s no surprise that i feel this way. but i think for the past few months i´ve been trying to prepare myself for what´s coming after peace corps that the whole saying goodbye to my community and the kids and all that kind of snuck up on me.

but i still have a month and a half before things really start to change. i had to have skin cancer surgery a few weeks ago and it wasn´t that serious or anything....well, i guess any surgery is serious, but it wasn´t like i was having brain cancer surgery or anything. but every day starting a couple days before i had to go into san salvador to have the surgery until maybe four days after, mirna called me every day to make sure i was doing ok and i wasn´t in too much pain. niña domy called me to see how i was and offered to come over to my house and clean and wash clothes. antonio´s family acted in much the same way. elba, maria laura and mirna all came over with cake and café and food to surprise me a couple days after the surgery. people in apaneca who i normally see every day when i walk to the bus stop were concerned when they hadn´t seen me in a week. ¨qué pasó?¨ everyone wanted to know.

anyway, what i´m getting at is that in a month and a half i´m supposedly leaving this environment. and it´s tough to think about. as much as i´d like to get a job and start earning money again and using a washing machine and all that, i´m just so conflicted about how happy i´m actually going to be re-entering the united states and not living here where everybody really does give a damn about me. there are people back in the states who are family and supposed friends who i haven´t heard from in a year. it´s so funny because the idea of not talking to someone who is your family or your really good friend is just crazy talk as far as salvadorans are concerned. the idea of everyone living their separate lives is strange to them and i guess it´s become strange to me as well. which is why it affects me when i don´t hear word one from anyone back home.

but cultures are different and for the moment, the culture i´m living in is a salvadoran one, and i have to admit i´m quite nervous about leaving it. i was sitting at niña domy´s house the other day and elba and mirna were saying their goodbyes to her until they return in january and i thought how strange it was to be seeing them say that, knowing i won´t be with them when they come back in january. and how strange it is that hanging with niña domy drinking cafecitos and placticaring is going to end at some point.

last but not least, it´s almost time for the blog to come to an end! qué lástima! but the blog has been about my time in peace corps and when that ends, so does the blog. so hopefully i´ll be able to fill it with some worthwhile things before i close its doors forever. so remember to keep checking in!

that´s it for now. my dad´s coming to visit in a couple days and i´m pretty excited about that. don´t know if he´ll like the wind...yes, it´s that time of year again...but i´m sure it´ll be warmer here than it is in ohio right now. at least there´s no snow here.